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What It Means To Be MOM

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What it means to be a Mom

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she
and  her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a
survey,"  she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life." I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more
 spontaneous vacations..."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying  to
decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn
in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of
child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with
an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper
without asking "What if that had been my child?" That every plane crash, every
house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving
children, he will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think
that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce
her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an
urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé - or her best crystal
without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has
invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.  She
might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going in to an
important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She
will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home,
just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be
routine.  That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room
rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That
there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of
independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect
that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However
decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as
a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that
eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the
same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less
value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to
save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to
accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish hers. I want her to
know that a caesarian scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges
of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in
the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love
a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play
with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him
again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women
throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk
driving.  I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about
most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of
nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your
child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a
baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I
want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed
in my eyes. "You'll never regret it." I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a
silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal  women
who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed
gift from God...that of being a mother.

 Author Unknown